One day, when the history of this elections is written in some oh-so-insidery tome by Mark Halperin or whoever, the campaign of Newt Gingrich will go down as the most sustained public masturbation ever seen. Sure, everyone who runs for president does so at least partly out of ego, the hubris to think that one should lead a nation of 300 odd million people, but, agree or disagree, valiant or vile, one thing you could say about most of them is that they did actually place country above self. You see that in the mostly despicable Rick Santorum. And even though he doesn’t have any idea why he believes it, you see it in Mitt Romney, whose campaign is some kind of sociopolitical demonstration of just how much money a thoroughly unlikeable person needs to spend in order to get a nomination.
Not Gingrich, though. Every time he speaks, every idea he utters, it is about the greater glorification of Newt first. If anyone should happen to benefit, well, that’s just a collateral effect. It is about a nation that should only exist in his image. So, in the last couple of weeks, Gingrich has been whipping out his dick and jacking it every chance he can. A moonbase tourist destination that simply can’t be built for any sane reason? Who cares? Pass the moisturizer and break out the Kleenex, ‘cause this cock needs strokin’. It’s what Gingrich does. He goes around blowing his load, saying shit that’s either deranged and grandiose or pissy and cruel, like when he said that he wouldn’t debate Obama with a moderator present. In what world is that gonna happen?